What I like about girls' knickers

A good friend Goggs Vear once dubbed me Knickers Nolan and for good reason too. For I have been mildly obsessed with knickers since I was young.

For titillation effect, a girl in knickers will always win out over a girl in the nude. In all the sex I've had, things usually get the most frenetic when I get to the knickering stage. The nude section is just biological, like we could be just out in the bush somewhere like beasts. But to feel the tight lines of sexy knicks drives me spacey.

Let's take a step back a moment and look at the VPL and diaph phenomena, as well as the rise (literally) of the dreaded g-string.

During our sexual emergence in the 80's, there was a smorgasbord of what my buddies and I called "diaph", a shortening of the term diaphanous, which means see-through. Because pastels and light colours were in, and rayon and linen were used heavily by the early Chinese manufacturers, we discovered that the racy knickers of the local schoolgirls could be spotted miles away. This was especially true at weekend public school sporting events, like rowing, where the girls escaped their heavy canvas-like uniforms stipulated by the nuns (who were no doubt frigging themselves silly listening to the footy back at the convent anyway).

Diaph taught you a lot about girls. They were somehow sweeter, yet naughty. I'm sure some of this sent some boys off the rails and led to sexual problems later in life. It was both an invitation and a warning - the ultimate cock tease.

With the girls back in their canvas skirts on the Monday, we all dreamt of x-ray glasses that really worked and went back to jerking off in our bedrooms after Simon Townsend's Wonder World.

The VPL was more of a 90's phenomenon and coincided with the rise of black as the new white etc. Here we boys had a new challenge. Without the assistance of diaph, how could we spot VPL? We did it by getting closer. Yoga emerged, laybacks on bars were all the rage, touch-footy took off, ecstasy use skyrocketed, 360 degree evaluations were adopted by HR, massage enjoyed a come back and people cuddled and felt around for a knicker line day and night. The Levis 501 jean was still in fashion and it was a cinch to spot the pinch and fade of a pair of Lovables on the bum of some Sac girl at the Tunnel or TokH.

But as with anything that is going really really well, there was a sense of unease in the ranks. Something sinister was coming and we couldn't quite work out what it was. It would change our lives forever.

High in the Andes mountains above Rio lived the tribes of the Gipa Gipa region. These were fun loving peaceful people who cared little for modern accoutrements. While visiting in 1996, Ephraim Peebles, the CEO of Bonds Athletic noticed that most of the tribes happily wore a simple string like bikini. He had an idea there and then that would not only spark huge sales of what he called the G-String (after the Gipa), but also have flow on sales of the tight fitting spandex and elastic cottons. Bonds dominated the supply chain for those two products, interestingly.

The G crawled out of the jungles and across the world. Women everywhere were soon liberated from the fear of VPL and diaph as their underwear slipped out of sight and up their bum cracks. Men were devastated in equal amounts. No longer could you see anything. The "data" as we fellers called it, had disappeared from the radar like a light plane over Bass Strait!!

The only consolation is that we are now presented with some of the tightest clothing known to man, but fat chicks beware, have a good look at yourself in the mirror before putting on anything tight.

The other new sport I see emerging is spotting the tell-tale "Y" at the top of girls low cut jeans, but girls, a word of warning. Please dont let your strings go rising up out of the nether regions like they are meant to go over your shoulders!

Only Goggs Vear could ever do that and his record feat still stands! And I saw him do it too, in a funny little pair of leopard skin "Jockettes".

Ha!






- posted by Wallypuss @ 1:40 am